*This post was written in 2013 with everything recreated from my forum posts, Facebook updates and written notes I had from doctor’s visits.

See the previous posts in this series – first symptoms, Doctor #1, Doctor #2, Doctor #3, and Doctor #3 Follow-Up.

November 12th. That is a day for me that will be one of those that is burned into my memory. One of those days where you will never forget where you were when you heard the news. One of those times when everything just stood still and you waited for someone to wake you from what surely had to be a dream, or in my case, a nightmare.

My Symptoms

It was a normal day in the office. Or as normal as it could be considering the downward spiral with my symptoms. My memory loss was much worse. I was forgetting people’s names, not recalling recent conversations, forgetting things that shouldn’t be forgotten (like how our dog died) and on more than one occasion (my family doesn’t even know this), I took wrong turns on my way home from work.

The brain fog was consistent and I generally didn’t get a break from it. It was the worst in the afternoons. At that point, I couldn’t concentrate on a sheet of paper or the computer screen long enough to read a few paragraphs. Or if I was able to read it, I couldn’t comprehend any of it. It was like reading a foreign language. My head felt pressure that was much different than that of a headache or even sinus pressure. The only way I knew to describe it was that it felt like it was filled with cotton. I imagine it’s much like the feeling before you faint, only I never fainted.

I would go through a drive thru at a restaurant and when I would get to the window, the employee would hold her hand out for me to pay. I would sit there frozen trying to figure out why she had her hand out – what did she want? She would have to ask me for the payment before I figured out what I was suppose to do. Things like this were becoming commonplace. How I managed to continue to do my job is beyond me.

The most disturbing part for me was when my mind would literally go blank. I had joked with people in the past when I couldn’t remember something that my mind was blank. I’ll never do that again because I know how that actually feels now. I would be mid-sentence with someone and all of the sudden I didn’t know what I was talking about. Or I wouldn’t be able to think of the next word. And instead of having all of these thoughts or words swimming in my head and I just had to find the right one, there would be none. It is the oddest and most horrifying feeling when there’s just nothing there. Not a “it starts with this letter” or “it sounds like this”. Nothing.

Normally before when I lost my train of thought, I would be able to go back and say “we were talking about this and then you said this and I said that….” but now when it was happening, I couldn’t do that. It used to drive my husband crazy because I was able to recall exact conversations from years prior and tell him where we were, what he was wearing and exactly what was said. Now I couldn’t do it when I was in the middle of the same conversation I was trying to recall. It was terrifying.

The Phone Call

So that morning, my cell phone rang and I saw it was the doctor’s office. When I answered the phone and heard, “This is Dr. ____”, I knew I was it was bad news. Why was the doctor calling to give me my results? The nurse should be doing that.

She told me she had my blood tests back and then said those three little words “You have Lyme”. It didn’t even register with me at first. In fact, I asked her for other test results that she had done to confirm my hypothyroid diagnosis. She stopped me mid-sentence and said “Did you hear what I said? You have Lyme Disease”. And honestly, I didn’t. I heard her say the words but it was like things suddenly started spinning out of control.

She asked me if I had a pen and paper and when I replied yes, she started rattling off my treatment plan. I was writing down every word she said but comprehending nothing. Supplements, antibiotics, long term treatment, acute or chronic, IVs, ports, herbal medications, controversy over treatment types, signing a waiver. It was just line after line on this page of all she was saying.

Then she paused and I could hear her take a deep breath. She said “I am so sorry I didn’t test you as soon as you came in. I’m so sorry I didn’t just do the test then – you could have already been in treatment for more than a month.” I honestly thought she was on the verge of tears.

And that’s when I knew I was in trouble.